And so the silly season approaches again. While we all take a moment to ask ourselves, how on earth did this happen so fast?! — this is also a great time to ready ourselves for the chaos to come.
Because although the holidays can be rich with joyful moments and closeness with the people we love the most, it’s not unusual to be really stressed at this time of year. Maybe even so stressed that you’d rather hop on a plane and spend the time on your own in a tropical country, sipping coconut water and wishing your family well from a safe distance.
Getting together with relatives you don’t see that often can bring back uncomfortable histories, and have tension simmering away beneath the surface of even the most picture-perfect celebration. Or perhaps your family have grown up and gone in different directions, and you find yourself alone in the holidays.
And then there’s the lists of gifts, the stocking fillers, the cards to write, the work parties, the holiday politics. The food to buy, meals to cook, invites to send and answer, the fear of missing out…
It’s a lot.
It’s OK. I’ve got you. Or actually, mindfulness has got you.
Here are three things to do to help you move through this season with grace and ease. And at the end, I’ll include one gift to put on your own list - the perfect gift to give yourself.
A powerful question: Do I really have to do this?
I’m not suggesting you abandon all your holiday traditions and actually hop on that plane (unless you want to — in which case, you have my support!). But us women in particular have a tendency to think we have to do everything.
We feel guilty if we don’t buy all the presents, write all the cards, answer all the invites — and, for that matter, we feel guilty if we don’t invite everyone and their aunty to our place.
So I invite you to welcome this simple question into your life: Do I really have to do this?
Is there someone else (a partner, another family member) who could sort that present or write that card? And does that present/card really need to be sorted at all? We all get stuck in our ways, but when it comes to the holidays, lots of us exhausting ourselves with the same things year on year without considering whether those things are truly necessary.
What if those grown up nieces and nephews would rather just have the cash than the present you’ve spent hours hunting for, anyway? Or what if someone else would be very happy to host the family gathering this year if you mentioned that you wouldn’t be offended if they wanted to take it on?
Make sure you are enjoying this time. And let others take on some of the work that comes with it.
Use Loving Kindness to make it through
So there’s that relative. The one who always makes you feel awful; who makes barely concealed digs at every opportunity, and brings up your past shortcomings in front of your entire family.
You can start preparing to handle them right now by trying Loving Kindness meditation. Rooted in Buddhism, this form of mindful practice allows you to accept and unconditionally love yourself and others; and when you practise daily, it can create a new sense of ease around people you find difficult.
Start by closing your eyes, taking a few relaxed deep breaths, and saying, “May my love for myself and all others flow with ease.” Repeat this until you feel ready to move on…
When you’re ready, start to direct your practice towards that challenging person. Say, “May I love you freely and without judgement, and receive love in return.” Doing for a couple of minutes.
You don’t have to let anyone walk all over you — and if you need to speak up, do. But by cultivating a feeling of love and kindness even towards the people you sort of dread seeing, you can set yourself up for a harmonious holiday time.
Remember to breathe
I’ve said it so many times — but it really does help, in those tricky and stressful moments, to come back to your breath.
Remember that at any time you can take a moment for yourself.
You can pause and fill your lungs with oxygen, and notice the way the breath feels as it travels through you.
You can calm your nervous system and reset your mind by returning, gently, to the endless power of your breath. Don’t forget that this tool is always here for you.
A gift to give yourself
As this year ends and the New Year rings in give yourself the gift of space and time out on retreat in 2024.
Bali, Indonesia Retreat ~ RELAX, REJUVENATE, REJOICE! (11 - 17 May 2024) click to read all about it
Or would it be better to start the New Year with a Yoga and Meditation Reset to set yourself up for a fulfilling 2024? Click here to learn more.
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