20th March is the International Day of Happiness. A day to celebrate feeling good — and to acknowledge how important it is to look after your own happiness every single day.
In his bestselling book The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama wrote “happiness is determined more by one's state of mind than by external events.” And while that book is packed with useful gems, this sentence really does get to the heart of the matter.
Because happiness doesn’t come from other people, or the things you own, or the job you have. Genuine happiness doesn’t come from material possessions or status, because the positive emotions those things give us are temporary; and once the satisfaction fades, we start searching for the next ‘thing’ to fulfil our desire for happiness.
Instead, happiness comes from that steady, sure place deep within yourself. It’s always there, no matter what’s going on in your life; and if you work at it, it’s always possible to reconnect with the simplicity and bliss at the very core of you.
What is true happiness in yogic terms?
The idea that true happiness comes from within is central to a number of spiritual traditions, including yoga. Yogic texts teach that the ever-present bliss — called ananda in Sanskrit — that exists inside each of us is our true Self, or our Atman.
Through practising and studying classical yoga, we learn that everything else (our thoughts, emotions, jobs, cars, houses, roles and responsibilities, and so on) isn’t who we are — all of those things are, instead, disturbances that cloud our connection with our truest aspect of ourself.
We learn to value ourselves because of those external things. And that means that we become unhappy very easily; as soon as we’re not doing as well as the people around us, or something we try to create falls flat and fails.
For us women, it’s often the (many, and conflicting) roles we think we should be fulfilling that distract us from our true selves and make us unhappy. We reach a certain point in our lives and tell ourselves — because society tells us — that we haven’t done enough.
We haven’t done well enough at work, and we haven’t been good enough mothers, or we haven’t been mothers at all, and we haven’t been good enough daughters, friends, partners. We’re not beautiful enough, clever enough, funny enough. We’re not kind enough, or strong enough, or self-assured enough.
Does that feel familiar? It’s not surprising that we feel this way. Because we’re constantly bombarded with messages and images that tell us we need to do more, feel less, and…well, be more.
But the reality is that none of that is true.
You are enough! You are beautiful! And you are incredibly strong. I say that with complete certainty, because every woman who has ever come on a retreat with me has been overflowing with strength — whether she could see it in herself or not.
Yoga and coaching can lead us to a more authentic truth: that our happiness is always there and can never be taken away from us. And the more energy we give to connecting inwards, the easier it becomes to connect with that pure, natural bliss, happiness. In turn, we see other people with more clarity and kindness too; because it becomes clear that they’re struggling with the impressions and distractions of human life just like we are.
As T.K.V. Desikachar wrote, “the success of Yoga does not lie in the ability to perform postures but in how it positively changes the way we live our life and our relationships.”
And the first relationship in your life is your relationship with you.
How can you cultivate more happiness in your Self and your life?
Knowing that happiness comes from within is one thing. But it’s much harder to live by that. Never beat yourself up about feeling unhappy — because no matter how much you’ve learned, and how far you’ve come, you are human. There will always be tough times.
But there are lots of simple ways you can build a foundation of happiness in yourself, and create space to connect with that deep inner bliss that truly does dwell in you.
So here are three ways to welcome more happiness into your life. What better day to begin than on the International Day of Happiness?
1. Start a daily gratitude practice
Numerous studies have found that feeling gratitude makes you happier. So don’t leave it any longer — start your own simple daily gratitude practice.
There are lots of ways to do this, but I like to keep it simple: write down one thing you’re grateful for first thing in the morning, and then do the same last thing at night. Every day.
2. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness increases your awareness and helps you to really experience the present moment. And that very quickly starts to reduce anxiety, banish worries, and give you a sense of living rather than always thinking about the next thing you need to check off your list.
So add one or two simple mindfulness exercises into your daily routine. I’ve written more about specific techniques you can use in this blog post: 5 Mindfulness Practices You Can Do Every Day
3. Be generous with your help and support
I write this one with caution, because I know that many people reading this will already have a tendency to give too much. But there’s a difference between feeling pressure to give, and choosing to give, when you have the energy and inner resources to share with others.
In her empowering Tedx talk, social activist Jacqueline Way argues that the secret to happiness. Our bodies are hardwired for giving — so much so that scientists have called the feeling we get from giving to others the ‘helper’s high’.
Helping others and making them feel good makes you feel good. It reduces the stress hormone cortisol, and causes a flood of the happy hormone, serotonin, to rush through your body.
And of course…
Moving your body is really important. No matter how you work to welcome more happiness into your everyday, make sure you’re active. You don’t have to be an athlete! Yoga is the perfect practice to weave movement, strength, and physical freedom into your life.
Strengthening on your Mental Fitness with a coach who specialises in both the ancient wisdom teachings and proven science based tools to quieten the sabotaging thoughts of the mind and build stronger neural pathways of happiness and calm. Click here and jump on a complimentary call to see how you’d benefit.
PS: To tap into free teachings to support driven women to live a more balanced life by joining me at Beyond The Sticky Blue Mat by clicking here.
If you know you would benefit from a week to slow down and immerse yourself in yoga, mantra meditation and more, join me on the Relax, Rejuvenate, Rejoice! Bali Retreat on 27 May - 3 June, click here to read more. (Only 2 spots left)
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